曾经有人毁了你的生活吗?_风闻

【来源龙腾网】

评论原创翻译：

Brian David Parry

Have you ever seen someone’s life systematically destroyed?

Yes I have and it was so sad. I worked at a music store for 15 years and when i first started a young 15 year old girl came in with her Mom and she played flute and was very pretty and perfect teeth and super pale white skin. She walked gracefully and had the cutest smile and face.

She came in a few times a year and the next year she had some dark and eerie tattoos on her once untouched skin and her behavior was animated and nervous and she was with two druggie guys that were trash.

The next time i saw her she had sold her flute and was selling her body to keep all the needle marks on her legs and arms going and her face was haggard and her once beautiful teeth were recessed and gnarly and her beautiful hair was stiff and brittle and her skeleton was showing and her walk was a robotic prance and I could not stand to see her being a dead living person.

I begged her to get help and go to rehab and she said the court will do that at her trial for soliciting herself. I never saw her after that but i was told by one of her girlfriends that she died from an overdose of the new drug Fentanyl!

I hate drugs and drug dealers and the gangs and officials that get rich and powerful making and distributing them.

你见过有人的生活被有组织地摧毁吗？

是的，我有过，很伤心。我在一家乐器店工作了15年，刚开始的时候，一个15岁的小女孩和她妈妈一起进来，她会吹长笛，非常漂亮，牙齿完美，皮肤非常白。她走路很优雅，笑容和脸都很可爱。

她每年都会来几次，第二年，在她原本未被触及的皮肤上，弄上一些黑色诡异的纹身，她的行为活跃而紧张，她和两个吸毒的家伙在一起，他们都是垃圾。

我再次见到她时，她卖掉了她的长笛，出卖了她的身体，腿和手臂上留有针痕，面容憔悴，曾经美丽的牙齿凹陷粗糙，美丽的头发僵硬而脆弱，她的骨架显露出来，走路像机器人般跳跃，我无法忍受她是一个活生生的死人。

我恳求她去寻求帮助，并去康复中心，她说法庭会因她拉客而受审。之后我再也没见过她，但她的一个女性朋友告诉我，她死于服用过量的新药—芬太尼！

我讨厌毒品和毒贩，以及讨厌那些制造和分销毒品的权贵团伙和官员。

Anushka Bhide

Do you know anyone whose life is destroyed by success?

The story I’ve heard of a professor’s life being destroyed by success was a guy who won grants totaling $50 million one year in the biological sciences, however in his state of ego, he fired PhD students and post doctoral candidates left and right for reasons like not replying to a email sent on Christmas Day or because they went camping with their friends on a Sunday. At this point, he’s got a lot of money but nobody wants to work with him. He gets emails from naive students abroad and undergraduate students but they just aren’t good enough for his lab. The ones who were- got fired and are thriving in their careers now.

Every single day I hear stories about professors raking in millions of dollars in grants for their research.

It is not easy to conjure up a research idea for some esoteric physics topic and then write a convincing proposal to get funding.

But I also hear tales of the wrath they unravel on their graduate students. A PhD advisor pays the student’s tuition and salary in exchange for productive research output.

But the scales have begun to tip a little too heavily.

你知道有谁的生活被成功毁掉了吗?

我听说过一个教授的生活被成功毁掉的故事，他在生物科学领域获得了一年总计5000万美元的资助，但在他的自负状态下，他解雇了博士生和博士后候选人，理由是没有回复圣诞节发出的电子邮件，或者因为他们在周日和朋友一起露营。目前，他有很多钱，但没人愿意和他一起工作。他收到了来自国外天真的学生和本科生的电子邮件，但这些发邮件的人对他的实验室来说不够好。那些曾经被解雇的人现在的事业却蒸蒸日上。

每天我都会听到教授们为他们的研究获得数百万美元资助的故事。

为一些深奥的物理主题想出一个研究思路，然后写出一个令人信服的提案来获得资金，这并不容易。

但我也听到了他们对研究生发泄愤怒的故事。博士生导师支付学生的学费和工资，以换取富有成效的研究成果。

但天平开始倾斜得有点过于严重了。

原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Some graduate students are now slaves to the wishes of their advisor. They are obliged to reply to emails in the middle of the night and come in to the lab on Sundays. A lot of these cases have resulted in the student being fired in the middle of their PhD with nowhere to go.

There was even the case of an advisor proactively calling up companies and other professors to tell them NOT to hire this kid.

The scary part is: most of these students are international students from China and India.

They’re usually very afraid and will do anything to complete their PhD, even if it means dealing with anxiety and depression for 5 years without validation.

I’ve been fortunate to meet the sweetest people at the University of Minnesota. But this is alarmingly common in many U.S universities.

I guess the one thing I’d like to say to these 50–60 year old (usually men) professors is: “You’re done with your PhD. You’re done with your post doctoral phase. You have a family, a home, and you’ve chosen to become an academic. Pretty soon, you’ll retire. And then you’ll die. What do you get out of scaring 22 year olds? Seriously, what pleasure does it give you?”

And I’m not villianizing just the advisors in this case: I’ve also met grad students who are lazy and take advantage of their advisors’ kindness. But those cases are bleak, especially in the populations of international students who come here with a goal.

一些研究生现在成了导师愿望的奴隶。他们必须在深夜回复电子邮件，并在星期天进入实验室。很多此类案件都导致该学生在博士期间被解雇，无处可去。

甚至有一位导师主动打电话给公司和其他教授，告诉他们不要雇佣这个孩子。

可怕的是：这些学生大多是来自中国和印度的国际学生。

他们通常非常害怕，为了完成博士学位不惜一切代价，即使这意味着要在没有确认的情况下处理5年的焦虑和抑郁。

我很幸运在明尼苏达大学遇到了最可爱的人。但上面这些情况在许多美国大学中却非常普遍。

我想对这些50-60岁（通常是男性）的教授说的一件事是：“你完成了博士学位。你完成了博士后阶段。你有一个家庭，一个家，你选择了成为一名学者。很快，你就会退休，然后你会死。你从吓唬22岁的孩子中得到了什么？说真的，这给你带来了什么快乐？”

在这种情况下，我不只是诋毁导师：我也遇到过懒惰的研究生，他们利用导师的善意。但这些情况令人沮丧，特尤其是那些有目标来美国的国际学生。

Anonymous

When I was 29, I met this beautiful and intelligent girl who unfortunately had a background of a bad marriage ending in divorce. I was single, never married and was ambitious. I fell for the girl and we were an item for a while. I got serious about her and we started discussing our future together. However, being an Indian brahmin (an upper caste in the Indian caste system), there were bound to be issues marrying someone from another caste and her status. It didn’t bother me but it mattered a lot to my parents.

When I brought up the news to my parents they resisted hard, including my own brother. I fought back harder and against everyone’s wishes I married this girl and was happy as one could be. Life couldn’t be better. She was a lovely human being and loved to take care of me. I reciprocated and helped her, it was a wonderful marriage. Both of us loved children and wanted to raise a family.

After a couple of years of our marriage our parents accepted her and we moved close to them and life was wonderful. Great family, nicest neighbors and a good job.

In the following years we had issues with having kids and she underwent severe mental trauma due this, not to mention a lot of treatments to assist with fertility. Some treatments are cruel, in my view, but essential for the purpose. I stood by her, supported her, went with her to all doctor’s appointments, traveled to temples & hospitals and provided a lot of moral comfort all along. Finally, all our efforts bore fruit when we had our first child, a beautiful girl which I had dreamed of.

当我29岁的时候，我遇到了一个美丽而聪明的女孩，不幸的是，她有一段糟糕的婚姻，最终以离婚告终。我是单身，从未结婚，满腔抱负。我爱上了那个女孩，我们一度成为了一对。我对她很认真，我们开始一起讨论我们的未来。然而，作为一名印度婆罗门（印度种姓制度中的上层种姓），娶另一个种姓和另一种地位的人肯定会有问题。这并不困扰我，但对我父母来说很重要。

当我向父母提起这一消息时，他们极力抵制，包括我自己的弟弟。我更努力地反击，违背了所有人的愿望，我娶了这个女孩，并尽可能地幸福。生活再美好不过了。她是一个可爱的人，喜欢照顾我。我报答她，帮助她，这是一段美好的婚姻。我们俩都爱孩子，都想组建一个家庭。

结婚几年后，我们的父母接受了她，我们搬到了他们身边，生活很美好。伟大的家庭，有最好的邻居和一份好工作。

在接下来的几年里，我们在生孩子方面遇到了问题，她因此遭受了严重的精神创伤，更不用说许多有助于生育的治疗了。在我看来，有些治疗是残忍的，但对目的来说却是必不可少的。我站在她身边，支持她，和她一起去看医生，去寺庙和医院，并一直提供很多精神安慰。最后，当我们有了第一个孩子，一个我梦寐以求的漂亮女孩时，我们所有的努力都取得了成果。

Two years later we had another girl, without any challenges and it looked like a real gift from God. We couldn’t have asked for more. I had promotion in my job and we were financially well off too.

Fast forward another 6 years, we were in a foreign land now with an additional responsibility. My wife gave up her job to follow me to the new land. She fought her depression of being away from her family and having to manage two small children. But she stood by me to take on the new responsibility.

Then, I got friendly with the wrong people and they introduced me to this sly world of meeting girls online to have side affairs. Immediately it looked wrong so I ignored; however the issue was I still met with these friends who were to be avoided. Over time when I kept hearing stories of their exploits I fell for the temptation and started dating women outside of my marriage. I was having an affair. I got a bit too deep in to a relationship with a woman and had a 2-year long affair before she went out of the country.

My wife accidentally discovered this and her world came crashing down. She broke down, cursed and yelled and told me that I had ruined her life for good. What would happen to the children? What is our future? What was my plan?

两年后，我们又有了一个女孩，没有任何挑战，这看起来像是上帝给我们的真正礼物。我们不能要求更多了。我的工作升职了，我们的经济也很好。

又过了6年，我们身处异国他乡，肩负着额外的责任。我妻子放弃了她的工作，跟随我来到新的土地。她克服了远离家人和不得不抚养两个小孩的沮丧情绪。但她支持我承担新的责任。

然后，我交了错误的朋友，他们把我引入了这个偷偷摸摸的世界，在网上认识女孩，有外遇。马上看起来就不对了，所以我忽略了；然而，问题是我仍然会去见这些需要避免的朋友。随着时间的推移，当我不断听到他们的事迹时，我被诱惑了，开始和婚外的女人约会。我有外遇。我和一个女人的关系陷得很深了，在她出国之前，我和她有了两年的婚外恋。

我妻子无意中发现了这一点，她的世界崩溃了。她崩溃了，诅咒我，大喊大叫，告诉我我永远毁了她的生活。孩子们会怎么样?我们的未来是什么?我的计划是什么?

Honestly I hadn’t thought about anything. I still wanted my family, my children and my wife. I hadn’t fallen out of love but I thought I was having an adventure and it gave me kicks. Needless to say, the forbidden fruit tastes better but the after taste, is always bitter.

She had looked up to me all these years as I was her friend, counsel, father of her children and a provider. Now, I fell totally in her sight and was a disgusting philanderer My family was pulled in to this issue and they broke their ties with us. They totally cut us off except for my father who gradually forgave me; however I lost the rest of them forever.

My wife has since patched up with me and has graciously given me a second chance on the promise that I will clean up my act, all the while keeping this away from the children. She doesn’t want the children to hate me and also wants a normal family life for us.

All said, I broke the faith of a genuinely wonderful human being who is my wife and shattered her life. She thought she had the perfect life - good life, beautiful & intelligent children, decent financial status and a great husband….but the last one was not to be and I was responsible for wreaking her beautiful life. Knowing that I can’t ever mend it and the damage is done forever, it kills me everyday.

说实话，我什么都没想过。我仍然想要我的家庭，我的孩子和我的妻子。我本没有失去爱，但我觉得自己正在经历一场冒险，这让我很兴奋。不用说，禁果的味道更好，但之后的味道总是苦的。

这些年来，她一直尊敬我，视我为她的朋友、顾问、孩子的父亲和经济来源。现在，我在她眼里，是一个令人厌恶的花心鬼。我的家人被卷入了这件事，他们断绝了与我们的关系。他们完全断绝了我们的联系，只有父亲慢慢地原谅了我;然而，我与其余人永远失去了关系。

从那以后，我的妻子和我和好了，并慷慨地给了我第二次机会，我承诺会洗心革面，同时不让孩子们知道这件事。她不想让孩子们恨我，也想让我们过正常的家庭生活。

总之，我辜负了我妻子的信任，毁了她的生活。她认为自己拥有完美的生活——美好的生活，美丽而聪明的孩子，体面的经济地位和一个伟大的丈夫，但最后一个不可能了，我要为毁掉她美丽的一生负责。我知道我再也无法修补它，而且这种伤害是永远的，它每天都在折磨着我。