我怎样才能控制自己的愤怒_风闻

【来源龙腾网】

评论原创翻译：

Shikhar Agarwal

There once lived a boy who had a bad temper. He would get angry at every little thing. One day, his father gave him a bag of nails and told him, “Every time you get angry, hammer a nail into that front wall.”

And so the activity started. On the first day, the boy hammered 50 nails. The next day, he hammered 40. Each time he used to go there, he repented being angry - it was quite a challenge to hammer a nail into that damn brick wall! Slowly, he discovered that controlling anger was easier than hammering, and the number of nails hammered started going down.

Eventually, a day came when he didn’t get angry, and he felt the joy of it. Now his father gave him another task, “If you do not get angry the entire day, remove one nail from the wall.” After several days, all the nails were removed.

Now his father took him near the wall and asked him what did he see. The boy replied that he can see holes in the wall. The father then explained to his son: “These holes are like the scars that you leave on people when you get angry. No matter how many times you say sorry, the scar does not go.”

So I suggest you two things:

Realize that words once spoken cannot come back. Your anger hurts others and leaves a sour impression that lasts forever.

Each time you get angry, “hammer a nail”. Simplest thing you can do is to carry a pocket diary and put a line each time you get angry. Then at night, count the number of lines for that day. If you make this a habit, each time you would get angry, you would be reminded to note it down. Indirectly, you would also realize that you getting angry. And because you are conscious and aware at that time, you would find it easier to control your actions and subdue anger.

I hope the day comes soon when you don’t have any line in your diary.

从前有一个男孩脾气很坏。他会为每一件小事生气。有一天，他的父亲给了他一袋钉子，告诉他：“每次你生气的时候，就把钉子钉进前面的那堵墙。”

于是活动开始了。第一天，男孩钉了50颗钉子。第二天，他钉了40颗。每次他去那里，他都会后悔生气——把钉子钉进那该死的砖墙是一个很大的挑战！慢慢地，他发现控制愤怒比锤击要容易，锤击的钉子数量开始减少。

最终，有一天他没有生气，他感到了快乐。现在他父亲又给了他一个任务：“如果你一整天都不生气，就把墙上的一颗钉子拔下来。”几天后，所有的钉子都被拔掉了。

他父亲把他带到墙边，问他看见了什么。男孩回答说他能看到墙上的洞。父亲向儿子解释道：“这些洞就像你生气时留给别人的伤疤。无论你说多少次对不起，伤疤都不会消失。”

所以我建议你做两件事：

要知道，一旦说出的话就再也回不来了。你的愤怒伤害了别人，会给人留下永久的坏印象。

每次你生气，“钉钉子”。你们能做的最简单的事情就是随身携带一本袖珍日记，每次你们生气的时候写一行。然后在晚上，数一数那天的行数。如果你养成了这个习惯，每次你生气的时候，都会被提醒记下来。间接地，你也会意识到你在生气。因为那时你有意识和明白的，你会发现更容易控制自己的行为和抑制愤怒。

我希望这一天很快就会到来—你的日记里一行都没有。

Bhawna Dahiya Studied at Chand Ram Public School , Delhi1y

Bhawna Dahiya就读于德里昌德拉姆公立学校

This is the worst thing we’ve been taught.

Stop controlling your anger. Just stop!

What we need to control is the things we do when we’re angry, not the anger itself.

This person just shouted at you for no reason and you got angry. Isn’t this pure biology?

Anger helps you set boundaries. It’s always a secondary emotion and comes in play when you’re not able to deal with things easily. It’s there to help you.

That person is still shouting at you. You don’t control your anger anymore.

You simply ask that person to shut up!

But also you don’t spill hot coffee over that person right? You control your reaction not your emotion. Getting the drift?

Anger is an emotion. And emotions, my friend, are meant to be expressed not compressed.

Compressed emotions are dangerous, toxic, unhealthy and every other negative adjective you like.

If you get angry, uate that thing for a second, and then control the things you do thereafter instead of controlling what you’re feeling.

If you accidently touch a hot pan, you don’t smile at it and tell it that it’s hot rather you just flinch away. Emotions exist for a reason.

Let’s practice this-

If you didn’t like my answer and are angry because I wasted your precious time, you have two options with you. Either just accept that you’re angry and control your reaction or jump into my comments section and tell me how crappy the answer is.

I wouldn’t mind either though.

这是我们学到的最糟糕的事情。

停止控制你的愤怒，停下来！

我们需要控制的是我们生气时所做的事情，而不是愤怒本身。

这个人无缘无故地对你大喊大叫，你很生气，这不是纯生理习性吗？

愤怒帮助你设定界限。它总是一种次要的情绪，当你不能轻松地处理事情时就会发挥作用。它是用来帮助你的。

那个人还在对你大喊大叫，你再也无法控制你的愤怒了。

你只需要让那个人闭嘴!

但你也不会把热咖啡洒到那个人身上，对吗？你控制自己的反应，而不是情绪。明白了吗？

愤怒是一种情绪。我的朋友，情感是用来表达的，而不是被压缩的。

压抑的情绪是危险的、令人极不愉快的、不健康的，以及你更像的任何其他负面形容词。

如果你生气了，先评估一下那件事，然后控制你以后做的事情，而不是控制你的感觉。

如果你不小心碰了一个热锅，你不会对它微笑并告诉它它很热，而只是退缩。情绪的存在是有原因的。

让我们练习一下：

如果你不喜欢我的回答，因为我浪费了你宝贵的时间而生气，你有两个选择。要么接受你的愤怒并控制你的反应，要么跳进我的评论区，告诉我我的答案有多糟糕。

不过我也不介意。

Mental Facts · 

Anger is something that is very dangerous, therefore you need to control your anger. people who can’t control their anger are the most people who get themselves into bigger problems,

And this is the reason why if you go to our prisons, most of the people there in the prisons has regretted of being beast at that small possible time.

Self control is the key to dismiss anger. Those who can’t control themselves are easily to get problem and later cry out loudly for their punishment.

Any body can offend you, but you need to control yourself, or you should have a nice way to deal with them.

Africans have this nice proverb that says; the one you eat with is the one who takes your meat that means you can’t eat alone and still complain that someone has taking your meat.

愤怒是非常危险的，因此你需要控制你的愤怒。无法控制自己愤怒的人是最容易陷入更大问题的人，

这就是为什么如果你去我们的监狱，监狱里的大多数人都后悔在非常短的时间里成为野兽。

自我控制是消除愤怒的关键。那个些无法控制自己的人很容易遇到问题，然后因受惩罚而大声哭泣。

任何人都可能冒犯你，但你需要控制自己，否则你应该有一个很好的方法来对付他们。

非洲人有一句很好的谚语说：和你一起吃饭的人是那个拿走你肉的人，这意味着你不能一个人吃，还抱怨有人拿走了你的肉。

Abinash Mishra

Since I have Anger issue, I have read a lot and watched many videos on this. Hardly any helped me.

Later I realized from my own experience on this few practical things that help me:

Often Anger is built up in conversations especially when you have difference with others on a topic. You give logic, then he or she gives counter logic. Then both try to hold to each other’s ego. It slowly builds up and gets bursted. When it is getting built up, leave the conversation or diffuse it. For example at times in conversation with my sisters or parents I know things are getting built up. So I immediately cut the call saying a call from my boss is coming or an urgent work is there. It just breaks the build up

Try to understand the other side : Often we make many assumptions in our head for others. Always it’s good to talk directly to the other person and know his or her side. On most of the occasions we can realize that the assumptions we made in our head about others is wrong. On most of the occasions.

When conversations are not going right way and anger is building up, put a question to other instead of saying a plain statement. Its a magic trick for me. For example, if Maa says you should not go there. Do not say I will go at any cost. Often it creates ego dispute. Rather put a question “ mom, why do you think I should not go there. Do you perceive any harm”. Just put a logical question. The other side too takes time to rethink and it often diffuses the situation.

Your experiences are your biggest teacher.

因为我有愤怒的问题，我读了很多，看了很多关于这方面的视频。几乎没有人帮我。

后来，我从自己的经历中意识到，这几件实用的事情对我有帮助：

通常，愤怒会在谈话中积累起来，尤其是当你与他人在某个话题上存在分歧时。你给出逻辑，然后他或她给出反逻辑。然后双方都试图抓住对方的自我。愤怒慢慢地积聚起来，然后爆发。当它建立起来的时候，离开对话或者分散它。例如，有时在与我的姐妹或父母交谈时，我知道事情正在变得越来越复杂。所以我立即挂断了电话，说老板来了，或者有紧急工作要做，这只是打破了愤怒积淀的过程

试着理解另一面：我们经常在脑海中为别人做很多假设。与他人直接交谈并了解对方的情况总是好的。在大多数情况下，我们可以意识到我们头脑中对他人的假设是错误的。大多数情况下都是如此。

当谈话进展不顺利，愤怒情绪高涨时，向对方提问，而不是直截了当地说。这对我来说是个魔术般的窍门。例如，如果妈说你不该去那里。别说我会不惜任何代价去。这通常会引起争吵。而是提出一个问题：“妈妈，为什么你认为我不应该去那里。你觉得若去那有什么害处吗？”。只要提出一个合乎逻辑的问题。另一方面也需要时间来重新思考，它往往会分散局势。

你的经验是对你帮助最大的老师。