难以置信！美国法庭的爆笑实录_风闻

转载自新浪，本文整理自译匠（ID：fanyijiang666）、新浪博客，博主流星天堂。

学英语是件挺闹心的事儿，很多人在托福的折磨中渐渐失去了对英语的兴趣，机械的复习，只奔着录取最低分数线，不再奢求自己的语言学习有什么进展。

但是不要忘了，留学后的日子包括了学习和生活。学习上你需要听英文的课、读英文的书、写英文的句子。而生活上你也要面临着满世界的英文，买东西、交朋友等等方面也都需要我们的英文好一点，再好一点。

可是真的有点学不下去，有点厌烦英语了，那怎么办呢？建议你用这本书来唤起对英语的兴趣和热爱——《Disorder in the American Courts》（《美国法庭闹剧》）

这本书里的所有内容都是真实发生在美国法庭上的对话，逐字逐句由强忍笑意控制自己保持镇静的法庭书录员记录下来的。它能够带给你学英语的渴望和对美国法庭的新认识。同学们（尤其是以后准备搞JD或者LLM的），看完欢迎提感受。

提到法庭，不自觉会脑补出这样的画风：庄重、严肃，充满紧张感。亦或是气场强大的律师侃侃而谈的样子。但在实际情况中，法庭上常常会出现一些啼笑皆非的片段，下面我们就一起来看看外国法庭中那些爆笑实录。

场景一

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

律师：你早上听到你丈夫说的第一句话是什么？

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

证人：他说‘我在哪，cathy?’

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

律师：这有什么让你沮丧的吗？

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

证人：我叫susan!

场景二

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

律师：你第一次婚姻是怎么结束的？

WITNESS: By death.

证人：因为死亡。

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

律师：是因为谁的死亡而结束的？

WITNESS: Take a guess.

证人：你说呢？

场景三

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

律师： 你知道你的女儿是否有牵连进伏都教吗？

WITNESS: We both do.

证人： 我们两个都是。

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

律师： 伏都教？

WITNESS: We do.

证人： 我们都是。

ATTORNEY: You do?

律师： 你是的？

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

证人： 是的，我们都是。

（这一则跟英文发音有关）

场景四

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

律师：医生，是不是如果一个人在他睡觉的时候死了，那么直到第二天早上他才会知道呢？

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

证人： 你有通过法院的考试吗？

场景五

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

律师: 你最小的儿子，21岁的那一个，请问他多大了？

WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

证人： 额，他21了。

场景六

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

律师： 当你照这张照片的时候，你在现场吗？

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

证人：你TM是在耍我吗？

场景七

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

律师： 所以婴儿出生是在8月8号吗？

WITNESS: Yes.

证人： 是的。

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

律师： 你当时在干什么？

WITNESS: Uh…. I was gett’in laid!

证人： 我，在，生，孩，子！

场景八

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

律师：医生，你有多少次解剖是在死人身上进行的？

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

证人：所有都是，活人一般都忍不了。

场景九

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

律师：你还记得你检查尸体的时间吗？

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

证人：解剖是晚上八点半开始的。

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

律师：所以邓盾先生那时候已经死了？

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

证人：如果没有，那尸体解剖之后他也肯定死了。

场景十

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

律师：碰撞发生时,你的车子在几档?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

证人：我穿着GUCCI套衫，锐步鞋。

注：Gear有多种含义，一是汽车排档的档位，二是身上为特定目的而穿的装备、衣物。这里attorney问的是“撞车的时候你在什么档位”，证人理解成“撞车的时候你穿戴如何”，于是回答“我穿Gucci汗衫和锐步鞋”。

场景十一

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

律师：这个重症肌无力影响你的记忆力吗？

WITNESS: Yes.

证人：影响。

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

律师：那么它是以什么方式影响你的记忆力的呢？

WITNESS: I forget.

证人：我忘了

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

律师：你忘了？你能给我们一个例子说说你忘了什么事儿吗……

场景十二

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

律师：她有三个孩子，对吗？

WITNESS: Yes.

证人：是的

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

律师：几个男孩？

WITNESS: None.

证人：没有男孩

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

律师：那有女孩吗？

W ITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

证人：尊敬的法官，我想我需要另外一个律师，可以换一个新的给我吗？

场景十三

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

律师：你能描述那人的特征吗？

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

证人：他中等个头，留着胡子。

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

律师：那他是男是女？

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

证人：除非镇上有马戏团表演，否则我猜是男的。（有胡子当然是男的！）

场景十四

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

律师：你所有的答复必须都是口头的，明白了？你念的哪一所学校？

WITNESS: Oral.

证人：口头的

场景十五

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

律师：医生，你在解剖前，检查脉搏了吗？

WITNESS: No.

证人：没有

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

律师：你检查血压了吗？

WITNESS: No.

证人：没有

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

律师：你检查呼吸了吗？

WITNESS: No.

证人：没有

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

律师：那么这就是说，当你开始进行解剖的时候，病人有可能还活着？

WITNESS: No.

证人：不可能

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

律师：你怎么能这么肯定呢，医生？

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

证人：因为当时他的大脑在我操作台的罐子里装着。

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

律师：我明白了，但不管怎样，有没有可能当时病人还活着呢？

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

证人：是啊，没准儿他正忙着当律师呢。