有哪些生活建议听起来很假，但却能救你的命？_风闻

【来源龙腾网】

评论原创翻译：

GingerOverseer

Every male should know this. If you want to get rid of an awkward boner flex any muscle in your body maybe an arm. For a minute. The blood will rush to that muscle and away from your dick. Crisis averted.

每个男性都应该知道这个。假如你想掩盖一次尴尬的支帐篷，身上的任何一块肌肉都可以帮你的忙。只要花一分钟。血流会流向那块肌肉，从你的丁丁上流走。危机解除。

Firlefunk

Don’t be that awkward dude trying to hide an erection in public, confidently rock a raging boner while flexing those guns for all the world to see

当然，别变成那个为了在公众场合掩盖你的帐篷，而自信地摆出挺胯的健美姿势给全世界看。

Firlefunk

Slow heavy metal music playing…

开始播放慢节奏重金属音乐……

squanchy22400ml

Opposite is also true, right?

反过来也行，对吧？

digi2k

I don’t know what’s worse, holding down my boner or awkwardly standing there flexing both biceps with my boner trying to rip a hole in my sweats.

我不知道哪个更糟，究竟是把帐篷憋回去还是尴尬地站在那里一边显摆二头肌，一边看到自己的钻头即将突破天际。

Caspers_Shadow

Use shaving cream as anti-fog. I used it on the inside of my motorcycle visor. Smear it on, let it dry, then rinse off and dry. It also works for bathroom mirrors. You can use it on a small spot so you can still see when you get out of the shower.

用剃须膏当除雾剂。我把它用在摩托车的后视镜上。涂上去，自然风干，然后擦下去晾干。对浴室的镜子也有效，你可以往镜子上涂一点，这样就算刚洗完澡你也能看清。

horia

boners are a healthy thing, and so natural, we shouldn’t shame them… #freetheboner

支帐篷是很健康的事情，并且很自然，我们不应该以此为耻……#自由支帐篷

Francsk1

Holding your breath for a minute or so also works and you can hide it better in public

憋一分钟的气之类的也可以，并且可以让你在公共场合隐藏的更深。

StrandType

i’ve been doing this for years and it works every time. i always flex my calves. even if it’s really scientifically explained i think just believing it all these years has made it work if anything

我几年来一直这么做，每次都好用。我一直收缩小腿上的肌肉。就算没有科学解释，我觉得这几年的相信也让这一招起作用了。

rottenpupil

Does this work for those early morning tents?

早晨支的帐篷也有用吗？

cates

why in the world am I just hearing about this now?

我到底为什么今天才听说这件事？

Pochusaurus

Turn your device on and off before contacting tech support.

在寻求技术支持之前，先重启你的设备试试。

WaddlingKereru

And restart your computer regularly, not a shut down, a restart. Shut down is now just a glorified sleep and will not solve your problem

并且要经常重启你的电脑。不是关机，而是重启。现在的关机只是牛逼一点的休眠模式，并不会解决你的问题

GuiltyOrphan

If you have Windows 10 and want shutdown to actually shut your computer down you have to manually change the setting.

假如你的电脑是Windows 10，你想彻底地关掉你的电脑，你就得手动修改一下设置。

Search power settings in the Windows search bar, go to the right side of the window and find “Additional power settings”. Once that opens go to “Choose what the power buttons do” on the left side of the power options window. If you see “Change settings that are currently unavailable” near the top, click that and in the 4 checkboxes under “Shutdown settings”, the top one should say “Turn on fast starting (recommended)”. Despite the “recommended” part you need to uncheck it. After that just hit save changes.

在Windows搜索栏里搜索电源和睡眠设置，去屏幕右边找到“其他电源设置”，打开新窗口后选择“更改电源按钮的功能”。假如你在窗口的上方看见了蓝字的“更改当前不可用的设置”，点一下，在下面“关机设置”的四个复选框中，最上面的一个写的是“启用快速启动（推荐）”。尽管它写了推荐，但你不应该选。然后按保存修改就可以了。

n0rs

If you’re fancy with computers, you can run (win+r) shutdown -r -f -t 00

假如你熟悉怎么用电脑，你可以运行（Win+R)输入"shutdown -r -f -t 00"。

SquashedTarget

In case anyone is wondering what this means:

假如有人纳闷这是什么意思的话；

FionaOlwen

Damn really..? Good to know!

我草真的？学到了！

HurpityDerp

not a shut down, a restart. Shut down is now just a glorified sleep and will not solve your problem

引用：“不是关机，而是重启。现在的关机只是牛逼一点的休眠模式，并不会解决你的问题”

Funny because most people believe the opposite.

很好笑的是现在有很多人的看法与此相反。

WaddlingKereru

Well it used to be the opposite. But Microsoft found switching them to be an easy way to make computers start up more quickly (making the product appear better without actually making it better). However people now fall down because they never do a restart, thinking that it’s unnecessary, when it’s in fact very necessary. Even a few weeks without a restart now can cause problems

其实以前确实是正好相反的。但微软发现把两个切换一下是让电脑启动速度更快的好方法（让产品看上去好很多，但并没有真正让产品变好）。然而人们现在会摔跟头，因为他们从来不重启，觉得重启没必要，而事实上非常有必要。就算几星期不重启，电脑也会出问题。

ASS_LORD_666

I saw a comment on one of these kinda threads that recommended gently rocking back and forth while pooping. I’ve never had any problems in the bathroom, but I happened to be sitting on the toilet when I read the comment so I decided to give it a test drive. I was pleasantly surprised at how quick and effortless the whole experience was and I haven’t gone back to my old stationary technique since. As a bonus, #1 and #2 now require the same amount of time in the bathroom!

我见过一个类似帖子的评论，推荐你在拉屎的时候轻轻地前后晃动身体。我以前从来没有经历过这种厕所问题，但当时读这个评论的时候我正好坐在马桶上，我就打算来一次试试。我很惊喜地发现整个过程变得又快又顺滑，于是我再也没回到以前的一动不动式。现在我在厕所里解大手和解小手的时间一样短了！

ghaupt1

Okay, I don’t know if you’ll see this or have the wherewithal to respond, but it’s 6:30am where I am and I’ve been up since around 4 with some constipation, mostly just browsing around Reddit (I’m not even subbed here — I’ve been browsing so long I hopped over to “Popular” to change things up). I have work today I just got promoted and we’re right smack dab in the middle of a two week crunch.

好吧我不知道你们会不会看到这个帖子或者有没有想要回的，但现在我这边是早上六点半，我四点多就醒了，感觉有点便秘，基本上就是在看reddit（我甚至都没订阅这个板块，我刷的时间太长了，以至于跳到了“流行”分类）。我今天得工作，我刚刚升职，正在两周疯狂加班的中间。

I’ve been getting up, moving around, trying different stretches and positions to loosen things up, but all I’ve been feeling is tension and a lack of relief.

我起床了，到处走动过，试过各种伸展动作和各种姿势好让下边松快松快，但我感到的只有紧张和不舒坦。

Rocking back and forth on the toilet for just the last 5-10 minutes has already totally relieved the discomfort and tension I’ve been feeling! I haven’t jostled anything out yet, but I hope I’ve at least got the operation moving again. I’m comfortable enough to where I can probably go get a couple more hours of sleep and try again before I go to work.

在马桶上前后晃悠了5到10分钟，我所有的不适和紧张都一扫而空了！我暂时还没把什么东西挤出来，但我希望至少开始正常运动了。我现在感到足够舒适，可以回去再睡几小时，或许上班之前我还可以来这里再坐一会儿。

THANK YOU, ASS LORD.

谢谢你，屁股王（楼上的ID)。

Edit: Hey guys! Thanks for the helpful advice. My bowels are free; the show will go on!

编辑：老铁们！感谢你们有用的建议。我的肠胃已经通畅了；演出将会继续！

idk-hereiam

Hope everything came out OK! Drink a lot of water and eat some leafy greens

希望一切都好！多喝水，吃点绿叶菜

HazycloudBlues

It’s from stress. It can do all kinds of crazy things to your body including the digestive system. Hope you’re feeling better 11 hours after posting this.

这是压力导致的。压力会给你的身体带来各种各样的负担，包括消化系统。我希望你在发了这个帖子的11小时后感到舒坦许多。

HazycloudBlues

You was backed up like the Suez canal.

你堵得像苏伊士运河。

bennynthejetsss

It works! Also, elevating your knees helps too. Hence… the squatty potty. I’m not a person who like to spend time pooping. My poops: 30 seconds max. My husbands: 10 mins minimum.

确实有用！以及把你的膝盖抬高一些也有帮助。所以……请用蹲便。我不是那种喜欢在拉屎上浪费时间的人。我拉屎：顶多30秒。我丈夫拉屎：10分钟起步。

Cm19803539

10 minutes? What, is this guy running a race?

刚10分钟？跟这儿竞速呢？

Instant_Smack

45 mins min, at work, 4 times a day.

45分钟起步，上班的时候，一天四趟。

raeumauf

Do men actually take longer for pooping than women or are you just chilling the rest of the deal?

是男性普遍会比女性拉久一点，还是只是你在开玩笑？

Cm19803539

It just depends. I can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 30 minutes in the bathroom, but I have unfortunate digestive problems and (I assume) a bad gut flora issue, so pooping is sometimes a painful and laborious process.

看情况。我在厕所里花的时间在10分钟到半小时之间，但我消化有点问题，并且（我认为）我的肠道菌群不太好，所以拉屎有的时候既痛苦又费力。

Reddit does add some time to the clock though ;-)

当然啦刷reddit确实会占一点时间

TheDragoniteborn

90 seconds using the toilet, 10 minutes using reddit

90秒拉屎，10分钟刷手机

hammock_enthusiast

Just want to put out there to my fellow poop/me-time breakers; if you ever find yourself having some hemorrhoid-like issues this could be a cause. You’re not just sitting like you would be in a chair, your region down there is pushing out a bit and shouldn’t for an extended time. If you’re not having issues, keep scrolling but if you ever do, maybe look at changing up this habit.

只是想给我亲爱的拉屎/私人休息时间伙伴们指出一点：假如你发现自己有类似痔疮的症状，在马桶上坐太久可能是原因之一。当你坐在上头的时候你和坐在椅子上是不一样的，因为下面那块儿是往外凸出来的，并且不应该凸太久。假如你没有这方面的问题，尽管接着刷，但假如有的话，或许可以考虑一下换个习惯。

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