为什么有些人从未感到孤单_风闻

【来源龙腾网】

正文原创翻译：

Feeling socially connected is a need all of us share, but human interaction isn’t the only way to get it

感觉与社会有联系是我们所有人都需要的，但人际交往并不是获得它的唯一途径

There was a point, midway through quarantine, where I started to wonder if I was made for it.

有一次，在隔离期间，我甚至开始怀疑我是否适合这样做。

I’m used to alone time in abundance — I spent seven years living on my own. And I know firsthand that loneliness and being alone are two different things, and that the presence or absence of other people isn’t necessarily tied to the emotional state. Still, as the time in lockdown stretched on, I braced myself for the wave of loneliness to hit.

我已经习惯了大量的独处时间——我独自生活了七年。我亲身体会到，孤独和独处是两件不同的事情，其他人的存在或不存在不一定与情绪状态有关。尽管如此，随着被封锁时间的延长，我还是做好了迎接孤独浪潮的准备。

Strangely, it never did. I’m not saying I’ve been enjoying this time — I’d do some terrible things for a carefree dinner out right now — but for the most part, I’ve been doing okay without in-person socializing. I’m bored. I’m anxious. But I’m not terribly lonely.

奇怪的是，从来没有。我不是说我很享受这段时间，我现在会做一些糟糕的事情来享受一顿无忧无虑的晚餐。但大多数情况下，我不进行面对面的社交也还可以。我会觉得无聊和焦虑，但我并不感到十分孤独。

Some people, it turns out, really are less susceptible to loneliness while alone. Or, more specifically, some people have already been living the conclusion of a recent study: that spending time with other people isn’t the only way to feel a sense of belonging. And while the country may be inching toward reopening right now, the warnings of new spikes, second waves, and returns to lockdown mean all of us would benefit from getting to know the alternatives.

事实证明，有些人在独处时确实不太容易感到孤独。或者，更具体地说，一些人已经经历了最近一项研究得出的结论：与他人相处并不是获得归属感的唯一途径。虽然这个国家现在可能正在慢慢地重新开放，但是新的高峰、第二波和重新封锁的警告意味着我们所有人都将受益于其他替代选择。

The study, published in the journal Self and Identity, found that so-called nontraditional social strategies—such as playing with a pet, eating comfort foods, listening to music, watching TV, or even following celebrities on social media — can be legitimate sources of social satisfaction. The reason for this has as much to do with human migration as it does with our brains: “While socialization is a fundamental need, just like water and shelter, we no longer have the tight-knit communities that historically fostered it,” says social psychologist Elaine Paravati Harrigan, who led the study as a researcher at the University of Buffalo’s Social Self Lab. “As our society has evolved and changed, we have evolved the ways our needs get met.”

这项发表在《自我与身份》杂志上的研究发现，所谓的非传统社交策略，比如与宠物玩耍、吃舒适的食物、听音乐、看电视，甚至在社交媒体上追随名人，都可以成为社交满足感的正当来源。其原因与人类迁徙有关，也与我们的大脑有关。社会心理学家Elaine Paravati Harrigan说“虽然社会化是一种基本需求，就像水和住所一样，但我们不再拥有过去培育这种需求的紧密联系的社区，”作为布法罗大学社会自我实验室的研究员，她领导了这项研究。“随着社会的发展和变化，我们满足需求的方式也在进化。”

We’ve adapted to find connection where we can. Watching Friends can make you feel like you, too, are settling into the sofa at Central Perk. Cooking up your grandmother’s lasagna recipe can feel like a moment of bonding, even if you’re the only one in the kitchen. In fact, Paravati Harrigan and her co-authors found that people who turn to these nontraditional strategies aren’t any lonelier, less happy, or less fulfilled than those who rely on traditional social sources.

我们已经适应了在可能的地方找到联系。看老友记也可以让你觉得自己坐在Central Perk咖啡馆的沙发上。即使你是一个人待在厨房做祖母的千层面食谱也是一种亲密的时刻。实际上，Paravati Harrigan及其合著者发现，转向这些非传统策略的人们比那些依靠传统社会资源的人们不会更孤独，更不幸福或更不充实。

The same activities won’t have the same effect for everyone. One person’s Instagram deep dive on their favorite reality star might be another’s gaming session or time curled up with a book. The key is to find whatever works for you, both to keep you feeling socially fulfilled and to beat back feelings of loneliness that may have already taken hold. (Pavarati Harrigan notes that the strategies in the study have also been shown to blunt the sting of social rejection.)

相同的活动不会对所有人产生相同的效果。有些人获取快乐的方法可能是通过追随他们最喜欢的真人秀明星，另一个则可能通过游戏，其他人可能沉迷于书籍。关键是要找到对自己有用的方式，既可以使您感到社交满足，又可以消除可能已经占据上风的孤独感。（帕瓦拉蒂·哈里根（Pavarati Harrigan）指出，该研究中的策略也被证明可以减轻社会排斥感。

Pavarati Harrigan says it helps to think of your social needs with a fuel tank metaphor: The fuller the tank, the less lonely you’re likely to feel. When our options for filling it with normal socialization are limited, relying on alternative sources can help you make up some of the difference.

帕瓦拉蒂·哈里根（Pavarati Harrigan）说，用油箱这个比喻有助于思考你的社会需求：油箱越满，你越不会感到孤独。如果我们无法通过正常社交来填充它，那么依靠替代资源可以帮助你弥补一些差距。

This is reassuring in the midst of social isolation, and it may also come in handy when alone time is in short supply once again.

这在社会隔离期间是让人安心的，当我们再次缺少独处时间时，它也可能派上用场。